“If you want” feels like a slight, like the person saying it doesn’t think what you want matters, but they’re willing to relent if you really care about it. It’s a way of saying “I don’t want,” but I won’t resist if you do.

If it’s the best we can get we should probably take it. We can’t change what others want, but we can get clear about what we want, why we want it, and what we’re willing to risk for it.

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