Church

Why I Keep Talking To Myself

Who is your fiercest critic?

It’s yourself, right? 

But which one? 

The manifestation of me that is hardest on me is the 20 something version. He’s the one who didn’t know what he was going to do with his life but who knew what he believed in, and so he’s the one who bellows the loudest when a decision requires some compromise. He knew almost nothing, but he just knew, you know? And he felt it was his duty to call out your compromise. He spoke the truth in love. 

Our mind never fully changes, does it? Even after we embrace new learning and allow it to modify our belief, the argument goes on. We act on new belief and live out changed convictions in public, while in private we trade barbs with the version of ourselves that is still certain that the old belief was the right one. 

Stay in that dispute.When we declare the present day Us fully right and enshrine the beliefs she holds right now in an unassailable casing, we lose touch with something. Empathy, maybe? Humility? 

The 20 something me knows less than he thinks he does, and that is annoying. It’s destructive, even. But he has a conviction about him that I still need. So I haven’t banished him. 

Yet. 

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