Monday Morning Quarterback

Stuff I learned on Sunday

Read text messages more carefully. “So” can sometimes look like “or,” so make sure the text from a fellow parent stating the time she’s picking up your kid says “I’m leaving here at 7:00 OR 7:15” and not “I’m leaving here at 7:00 SO 7:15,” so that she doesn’t arrive at precisely 7:15 to find your kid undressed and unfed.

Don’t be that parent. Sending a plastic cup filled with goopy oatmeal for your child to eat in someone else’s car is kind of a chump parenting move. Don’t be that guy (I am that guy).

Sleep in later. You will never arrive early enough on Sunday to enjoy 30 minutes’ practice in the sanctuary free from the frantic setup efforts of the Weekend Custodian.

Let up a little. The Weekend Custodian is learning, as evidenced by his offer to close the sanctuary doors for you so that you can work.

Check your office voice messages at least once between Thursday afternoon and Sunday morning. It’s no fun finding urgent pleas for pastoral care on your voice mail three days late.

Move. Don’t have that pastoral care conversation directly in front of the office door.

Account for separation anxiety. You will be mentally some place else while leading worship if your spouse is also at work and your six year-old is 40 miles away running through mud without you.

Check the translation. If you’re telling a Biblical story using, say the Common English Bible translation, check with the preacher to see which translation her sermon is using. One translator’s “Right” (John 10:18) is another one’s “Power,” and there are interpretive miles between them.

Always say yes to the joke. Even the same joke you heard from this person last week, the same person who always has a cat joke for you. Never jump the punch line, though you’ve heard it 16 times. Always laugh. Always.

Know some things. That way, when a concerned worshiper earnestly inquires after the well being of church members, you will have something useful to report about at least one of them.

Know your opponent. If you come at @chadah on Twitter over the #royals, you will lose.

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Spread the word. Reply All is worth listening to. Every time.

Get a coffee. The six year old’s delay in returning form the mud run is perfect cover for grabbing a Perfect Pair from the best coffee house in America. 

Take heart. Your kid’s friends’ parents are really good people who will go out of their way to take care of your kid and help you out.

Avoid eye contact in the grocery store. Especially with that parent whose toddler is throwing a world beater of a temper tantrum in aisle six. You’ve been there.

Use the Force. This is the day to show the original Star Wars to your progeny.

Take heart (again). Your neighbors are the kind of people who make drinks for your spouse so she can put her feet up after a long Sunday at work.

Relax (a little). Daughter seems to have mastered bed time on her own. For today at least.

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