Monday Morning Quarterback

Stuff I learned on Sunday

Teaching an adult class before worship and a youth class after worship=the perfect storm.

A Middle Eastern member of the church shared during the adult education class on race that he has to identify as “white” on the Census.

This Vox video on race works really well as a conversation starter:

When explaining the congregation’s 60th anniversary during the Children’s Time, be careful not to make 60 sound REALLY OLD.

When you ask children in church, “Guess who’s birthday it is next week,” one of them will most certainly answer, “Jesus?”

Taking the purple sparkle-eyed stuffed dolphin away from a child during the Children’s Time is not an effective way to draw attention to the story. Neither is giving it back.

You can safely stick your tongue out at members of the choir only once during the Anthem.

Most 9th graders think “predestination” has to do with GPS.

The Preschool Director works on Sunday.

The righteousness of ordering Subway for the youth Super Bowl party instead of pizza was always sure. Turns out it’s expedient too: the pre-game line in the pizza place is out the door, yet Subway is empty. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled (with sandwiches).

In light of burger ads featuring naked women and a trailer for an S&M themed movie during the youth Super Bowl party, next year’s event will be redesigned as a four hour prayer vigil for the soul of a nation.

Sweating the morally bankrupt ads during the youth Super Bowl party is a waste of energy, because most of the youth are playing a first person shooter video game in another room anyway.

If you’re satisfied there’s no way an 11th grader will shoot that can of silly string at you in the middle of someone else’s house, your satisfaction will not be rewarded.

The youth’s mother who refers to Missy Elliot as “my girl” is more badass than you thought.

Trader Joe’s is empty in the hour immediately following the Super Bowl. So that’s when they wipe down the produce shelves.

Reading the penultimate chapter of a Harry Potter book and then abruptly stopping is exactly the wrong way to get a six year old to sleep.

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