Monday Morning Quarterback

What I learned on Sunday

  • Emptying a trash can full of diapers is well within the Associate Pastor’s job description.
  • Fresh picked apples from a Northern California orchard are well within the Associate Pastor’s benefits package.
  • Chocolate cake donuts in Sunday School are amazing when you thought you could skip breakfast.
  • High school debate is a corrupt racket of ill-equipped judges.
  • One one youth group member beats another youth group member in a debate tournament, the defeated’s sister will think it’s hilarious.
  • Color guard gets no love from boosters.
  • An unused gift card to P.F. Chang’s is also well within the Associate Pastor’s benefits package.
  • A fourth grader with no acolyte experience will choose to don the robe and cincture, light the candles, and lead the Call to Worship with only three minutes’ advance notice.
  • A four foot-tall child will always struggle to light a 10 foot-tall candle. Always.
  • Daughter and her playmate dancing to the opening hymn will always choke me up.
  • I gotta get the torn zipper fixed on my robe. Dry cleaners?
  • What I gain in childrens’ attention by kneeling on the chancel during the Children’s Time I lose in adults’ patience because I squirm so darn much.
  • The story of Jesus calming the storm is captivating to kids.
  • “Creation can’t be hacked.” My colleague can P-R-E-A-C-H.
  • In a town with a School of Theology, people will come to your church at least once because they saw on the church website that you went to the same seminary.
  • I should flex my memory a bit harder before asking someone if they’ve been traveling over the summer, so that, when she answers, “No. I had a baby,” I don’t feel like such an inattentive oaf.
  • #jessetreeselfie will totally be a thing in Advent worship. No lie.
  • The spring comedy fundraiser that my friend Murphy thought up is happening. Coffee tomorrow to plan.
  • Daughter only takes rice and beans in her Chipotle.
  • Storing Wife’s Chipotle order in Google Keep months ago was tre smart. Burrito bowl with brown rice and black beans, fajita peppers, steak, with mild AND medium salsa. Okay, now I’ve memorized it.
  • Hell’s Kitchen doesn’t bleep the “B” word, so it’s not a great viewing option with a six year-old.
  • The Royals have won their final home game of the year for seven consecutive seasons.
  • The Washington Post is pulling for the Royals.
  • I drive past three grocery stores to shop at Trader Joe’s because it’s more fun and on Sunday afternoon I have the temperament of an eight year-old.
  • Pumpkin Spice Tea is back.
  • One of the checkers at Trader Joe’s is a huge Chiefs fan. Boo.
  • The checkout line at the grocery store is one of the places where you might have to cover your ears if you are trying to avoid learning the score of the Broncos/Seahawks game until you have a chance to watch it on DVR later.
  • The Youth Group Leader is trying to collect those named Coke bottles for every member of his wedding party. “Armen” will be his undoing.
  • You can be beatified for something that happened after you died.
  • Talking to the single junior high student who came to youth group about the fight he got into over the weekend is invaluable programming.
  • A seventh grader has no qualms about launching a video chat on his phone in the middle of a discussion about miracles.
  • Jeans with no front pockets are a thing. What next? A car with no glove box?
  • When Wife completes a major home organizing project on a Sunday, I’m more likely to see it on Facebook than in person.
  • Neighbors who prepare a table outside your back door and invite you to share their food on a cool Sunday evening are a gift from God.
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