Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of the day:

6:00. Alarm. Up. It’s that simple.

6:22. Prepping adult education class on It’s A Wonderful LifeSeriously consider using this Move Your Money video. Chicken out.

6:49. Shouts of “Stop it!” from upstairs. The kitten is awake and terrorizing Daughter.

7:16. Taking the time, on this busiest of days during this most hectic of weeks, to remember to spirit of the season by reading Rany’s latest blog post about the Royals recent off season moves.

7:49. Daughter singing to Wife: “Wake u-up/Wake u-up/I want to see your eyeballs.”

8:20. In the office with my scarf still on ’cause it’s cold. Head of Staff spies the scarf and calls me “Dickensian.” What? Oh, I thought you said . . .

8:31. Glancing at the schedule for the week and realizing a MAJOR conflict. Duuuuuuude!

8:33. Head of Staff has prepared slips of paper with angel quotes on them for people to take during worship this morning and reflect on throughout the week. She’s eager to show me the one from Acts 12 that says, “Get up quickly. Fasten your belt and put on your sandals. Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.” Whoever gets that one is going to have some figuring out to do.

8:51. Walk past Deacon and his young son moving presents into the sanctuary for the morning’s Adopt-A-Family dedication. Joke with the boy with hands outstretched, “Oh you shouldn’t have.” Boy’s father retorts, “No, you haven’t been good enough this year.” Nervous chuckle. What does he know?

8:53. Urging Children’s Director to warn the morning’s Children’s Time leader to keep it short. Last time he spoke in worship a Pastor had to cut him off: “I love you, but you gotta stop.”

9:29. Using this clip to make the case for George Bailey as Joseph. Nodody buying it.

9:48. Interrupt It’s A Wonderful Life’s giving and compassion and love ’cause we’re out of time: “It goes on like this for awhile.”

10:08. Sanctuary is full of red sweaters and little kids with garland halos. Pageant day!

10:17. Children’s Time guy commits cardinal Children’s Time sin by opening with Q&A. Noooo!

10:22. After a touching and succinct story, Children’s Time ends with Advent candle lighting. It’s still and lovely.

10:29. Pageant time! Director waking he arms and gritting her teeth to get 9 tiny angels to move.

10:30. Pageant is called “Calling All Angels.” Train? What are the odds?!

10:31. “We are!/Singing Angels!/Angels!” Yes. Yes you are.

10:38. There’s one angel not singing but sticking out her tongue. Daughter!

10:43. Angels bowing and losing their halos.

10:48. Worshipers coming forward to get their angel quotes. Daughter selects one for the family. “Get up quickly. Fasten your belt and put on your sandals. Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.” Oh man.

11:19. On the patio after worship. Church member telling me she read Landon’s and my music posts last week. “How cute!” she says. Cute? Cute?!

11:39. Somebody brought blonde brownies with coconut and chocolate chips. Eat three of them in as many seconds.

11:46. Sitting with a tearful 10 year-old.

11:53. Daughter emerges from office with a copy of PLGRM magazine and a marker. This isn’t good. Sorry, Ryan Kemp-Pappan.

12:11. Playdate. Warning Daughter and Playmate as we walk in the front door: “Do not open this door. The cat will get out. Do you understand? Do not open this door.” Yes. Yes, we understand.

12:14. Door opened. Cat out.

12:23. Making up some Mac N’ Cheese, ’cause it’s what the girls asked for and I aim only to please.

12:47. Girls turning up their noses and the Mac N’ Cheese. The cheese is white.

1:11. Typing up some notes for Monday Morning Quarterback. Thinking, “Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich.”

1:16. Check Facebook to find that no fewer than three people have already posted pictures of the morning’s pageant. Consider how odd that would seem to someone even five years ago.

1:49. Daughter and Playmate fighting outside. Neighbors intervening. Uh oh.

2:11. Everyone but Wife outside now. Wife opens door. Cat escapes.

2:18. Neighbor’s box of Speculoos cookies rapidly disappearing as the girls fill their cheeks.

2:39. Cat escapes for a third time.

3:35. 26 people have arrived for our annual caroling outing. Lots of kids, including Daughter, Playmate, and Playmate’s playmate. I predict triangulation drama.

4:05. During “Hark The Herald” in the retirement home, Daughter uses plastic candy cane as a prop to imitate an old person. Want to get away.

4:28. Carrying Daughter. How predictable was this?

6:07. Planning meeting for the family Christmas Eve service. We’re totally stealing Theresa Cho’s No Stress No Fuss Pageant idea. And Charlie Brown’s Christmas. We’re stealing that too.

7:08. Students arriving for high school youth group. I got no plan here.

7:19. Explaining a white elephant gift exchange to German exchange student. His smile broadens as the description progresses.

7:41. Game of Things prompt, “Things that make you giggle.” Scribble “Nipples,” then decide against it.

7:42. “Things that make you giggle” answers include among them “goat nipples.” Of course! Adding an animal in front of it makes it totally appropriate. Students rolling on the floor.

7:51. Trying to get a 9th grader to stop saying, “Damn it!”

8:45. Asserting my religious authority: “Okay, one more game, but we’re praying before we leave!”

9:01. Students scatter without praying. #pastorfail #anymonkeycoulddothis

9:12. Dropping student off at home, suggesting to him an inverse relationship between the number of a person’s dating partners and that person’s self-confidence.

9:33. Home. Consider typing up Monday Morning Quarterback. Decide to go to bed instead.



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