“I Love You But I Disagree”

Does love of a friend or family member require agreement with their political views? Of course not (see James Carville and Mary Matlin). Love is aided by shared conviction, but it doesn’t depend on it. Persisting in a loving relationship with people with whom they disagree intensely is something mature people do.

Yet our relationships deserve better than to let “I love you but I disagree” be the last word–and that statement always aims to be the last word. Loving someone does not demand converting them, but it asks more than abandoning them to views that are wrong or harmful. Why isn’t “I love you so let’s keep talking” better than “I love you but I disagree?”

Some people I love are influenced by misinformation, and it doesn’t feel loving to shrug my shoulders and call it “their opinion.” I hope they wouldn’t leave me in a similar state.

One thought on ““I Love You But I Disagree”

  1. Thank you, Rocky. I must apply this to someone in my own life who continues to send all sorts of odd articles and texts about her viewpoint. I hope we can get as far as “I love you, so let’s keep talking,” but I have to stop at “I love you but I disagree.” What some see as a debate, others see as a fight, and I am so tired of fighting. I try to tell her “I love you, but I disagree, so let’s talk about anything else.” Thank you for your advice.

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