Less Than 0

Great Clips knows that I get my head shaved with the “0” guard on the trimmers. I say Great Clips knows this, and not any employee of that esteemed franchise, because every time I go I’m greeted by a person I’ve never seen before; turnover in that company is for real.

Yesterday was no different, except that when the stylist confirmed, “0?” I cracked, “Or less than 0.” She nodded in recognition and then pulled from the drawer a different set of clippers than the ones she was already holding. She explained that these were indeed less than 0 and that, though she rarely uses them, they were just the thing for me. I felt kind of special.

It only took a couple of passes along my left temple, though, before the guard flew off the trimmers and landed on the floor behind me. The stylist looked at the device, baffled, and then retrieved not only the guard from the floor but also the metal plate the guard clips to–and also the screws that secure the plate to the base of the clippers. She returned to the chair to show me this collection of pieces and to attempt reassembly. I even got to put in one of the screws. No luck. She deposited the mess back into the drawer and resumed the job with the first set of clippers, saying nothing.

So here I am with about four inches of my head less than 0 and the rest of it merely 0. It just don’t look right.