Fake It

I’m totally faking it.

“I’m a writer.”

“I’m a podcaster.”

“I’m a pastor.”

“I’m a parent.”

So often, the interior assessment doesn’t match the external role and so you fake it. It’s not disingenuous or inauthentic; it’s survival. Some of what you fake is the official stuff–the role/title/commitments–and you wait out the lag until it feels like it fits again. You go through the motions, which is so totally faithful, even though it feels phony.

Other stuff you fake to convince yourself of something you hope is true but seriously doubt. I remember calling people for a story I had pitched to write for a national magazine and introducing myself on the phone as a “Freelance Writer,” even as I checked the clock on my apartment stove to be sure I wasn’t late for my shift at the restaurant down the street. As soon as I said it they believed it. And so did I.

Faking it is for real.