Monday Morning Quarterback

Stuff I learned on Sunday.

Pilot Jay still snores like he did in high school. He’s crashed on my fold-out after a late-night landing. Who needs an alarm clock when you have this guy?

When you under-cook granola, it’s soggy. But when that sog consists of butter and sugar, who cares?

Pilot Jay does not like sweet soggy granola.

Apparently, telling police officers that you’re a pilot is a great way to get out of traffic tickets. Pilot Jay tells this to a 10th grader in Sunday school who immediately demands to know EXACTLY-HOW-THAT-WORKS.

The newest acolyte is a kid after my own heart. Moments before worship starts, this fourth grader says, “O.K., one more check, just to be sure: light the candles, hand the lighter to you, go to the podium . . .” She’s got this.

The candles don’t care about the acolyte’s checklist. They’re not lit by the end of the Introit, and the Call to Worship is happening without her. I should have bailed her out sooner.

The term “Mount of Olives” is hilarious to a five year-old.

When the preacher cracks an inside joke during the sermon, it’s much less fun when the butt of the joke isn’t in the room.

The answer to the question, “Why did Wife and Daughter suddenly disappear from worship?” is: because Daughter puked.

You can resist the Sunday school donuts before church, but never after. Never. After.

Daughter is just wiped from a week of dress rehearsals and performances. Doesn’t seem to be sick.

With the third kitchen chair broken, a plastic lawn chair must suffice for lunch with Wife and Pilot Jay at the dining room table.

My weight combined with a plastic lawn chair combined with a wood floor adds up to falling.

It’s fun to have Daughter school Pilot Jay on her favorite iPad games as he’s getting ready for a flight. He’s annoyed, but really polite about it.

Pilot Jay taught daughter to take a screen shot of the iPad. Goodbye memory.

Pilot Jay looks rad in his pilot getup, even though he doesn’t do the hat.

Aviator shades on an actual aviator look so much cooler.

In addition to 11 pm on a Saturday, 2 pm on a Sunday is a fantastic time to drive to the Orange County airport. Pilot Jay convinced Southern California’s reputation for bad traffic is a lie.

A Sound of Music sing-along at church is as much fun as it sounds.

I’m not the only one wearing that tubby German guy with the protruding chest hair T-shirt!

There are few sights more exciting than that of a Der Weinerschnitzel truck in the church parking lot.

My church is a amazing.

Spaceteam is a thing, and the Flexor Toggle must be set to 4. Now!

If you give Daughter a graham cracker snack before bedtime, she will break it into four equal parts which she will arrange on her vanity before ordering you to leave the room so she can eat them alone.

There’s a clergy couple edition of Monday Morning Quarterback!

Advertisements