Monday Morning Quarterback

Song of The Day:


5:58. Wake up, exactly two minutes before alarm is set to ring. Reset alarm for 6:30.

6:28. Wake up. What the?!

7:01. Researching Super Bowl party games for later in the day. Decide on commercial bingo and that pseudo gambling game, you know, the one where Christian youth are encouraged to wager their allowance for a chance at some Skittles?

7:22. Reading submissions for the PLGRM Magazine digital edition. There’s good stuff here.

7:44. Enjoy breakfast of one banana walnut muffin, made by daughter and I two days before.

9:07. Throwing together a quick script for the high school students to use in making a Souper Bowl of Caring announcement. Forgot to do it earlier in the week. This after telling students explicitly that I would have it for them. Fail.

9:15. No matter. Students have created their own script. I’m not permitted to see it.

9:39. Compassionately ask church member how his wife’s foot is, since I read on our pastoral care bulletin board that she’d broken it. It’s not his wife. It’s his sister. Oops.

9:59. Wrestling with the candle lighters for acolytes. Should have done this an hour ago. “If the wick runs out before you get the chancel candles lit, act confused and run.”

10:07. High school students’ announcement is a smash. Laughter. Rejoicing. They pay me for this?

10:18. Notice the first Scripture reading is listed in the bulletin as “Jeremiah 4.” Scan Jeremiah 4. Something’s not right. Should have checked this before.

10:22. Whisper across the chancel during the Children’s Time to Boss, “Am I doing the first reading?” Nod. “The whole chapter?” Surprised look. Then, effortlessly, she taps the screen of the iPhone laying next to her on the chancel pew. A moment later, she’s walking it over to me, revealing the lectionary listing as “Jeremiah 1:4-19.” Resolve to always have my phone with me in worship from now on.

11:37. Use my Associate Pastor’s report during the annual congregational meeting to inform the congregation that daughter will be entering kindergarten next fall. Say a bunch of other stuff too, including a pitch for PLGRM Magazine.

1:15. Leave wife and daughter at lunch to go buy sodas, pens, and game prizes for Super Bowl party.

2:13. Stop by friend’s house to pick up 30 tacos they’ve made for our Super Bowl party. 15 chicken, 15 carne asada. Resolve not to eat them all before the party.

2:30. Collect daughter from home to take her along to the Super Bowl party. She’s got her baby doll wrapped around her with mom’s scarf.

2:24. Pick up two 3 foot-long sub sandwiches for party. They’re propped up on the front seat like an extra passenger. A tasty extra passenger.

2:41. Return home to pick up the baby doll’s diaper bag. Daughter has discovered she’s missing it and is threatening pre-halftime show pyrotechnics if it’s not retrieved.

3:57. With a house full of junior high students and the television blaring, notice that Daughter has fallen asleep on the couch next to me. Decide to let her sleep. It’s not like the Broncos are playing or something.

5:55. 30 minutes into the now infamous Beyoncee Blackout, go all curmudgeon and declare to the room that I don’t want to hear anymore prognosticating about modern peoples’ inability to listen to a 20 minute sermon in light of the fact that the entire nation has sat raptured now for half an hour on a power outage.

6:38. Break the contemplative silence after this commercial by declaring, “That’s terrible.” Half the room turns and looks at me stunned, like I just belched The Satanic Verses.

7:30. Realizing I’m completely full, eat another section of the 3 foot sub. Burp.

9:03. Put Daughter in the bath, then scan the blog reader for the first time all weekend. Find this. Hastily leave a comment. Regret it almost instantly.

11:00. Trying to fall asleep, plotting out the coming week. Trying to remember who won the Super Bowl game.





4 thoughts on “Monday Morning Quarterback

  1. In the spirit of full disclosure for our listening project, please know that i just cried (at work) while watching the Budweiser commercial…..and please thank the PYGs for including a Broadway show tune in their Souper Bowl medley. xor

  2. I read the other blog and your comment on it. You’re spot-on. But yeah, you’re a jerk for the Bud commercial comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s