Monday Morning Quarterback

Pastor Ends Adequate Lord’s Day by Fouling Up Youth Group

By Rocky Supinger

November 3, 2013: 9:46 p.m.

A Southern California pastor drove home discouraged Sunday night, after students in his high school youth group stormed home angrily at the close of their gathering. The incident soured an otherwise upbeat day in which the pastor had lunch with the new President of his seminary and made significant progress toward improving the behavior of the a cadre of 6th grade boys.

“There’s a lot of work to be done,” the pastor summarized. “But running the junior high youth group like a presbytery meeting, appointing a student to act like a moderator, actually worked better than I thought it would.”

After modeling the role for half the meeting, the pastor chose an 8th grade female student to officiate the proceedings, encouraging her to rule her peers out of order when they interrupted or failed to listen to one another. For her part, the student seemed reluctant, as she giggled more than ruled.

The incident with the high school students brought an abrupt end to a gathering that had gone remarkably well up to that point. After 45 minutes of opening conversation in which students and adult advisors laughed their way through one another’s “highs and lows” for the week, the Youth Intern led a spirited discussion about movies–students’ favorite movies as well as ones from which they felt they had learned something. He ended the discussion by suggesting students look for God or “the gospel” in movies. He showed a clip from The Dark Knight and read a Bible passage to illustrate.

The problem came in the meeting’s closing game. Some students urged their peers to play the Game of Things, while others sued for a seated basketball game they played months ago. The pastor himself cast the deciding vote for the basketball game from behind the bathroom door. “I knew some kids were going to be upset either way, and I was making a careful calculus about which ones I least wanted mad,” the pastor explained.

The game was aggressive, and several students complained about the rough play of one of the adult advisors. At precisely 9:00, after less than 30 minutes of play, three students abruptly stood up and left.

“We didn’t pray or anything. I’ve got to do better than that,” said the pastor.

The day wasn’t a total loss. The adult education class led featured the engaged participation of three high school students (and one elderly man who forgot to turn back his clock for Daylight Savings time). Participants were put through an approximation of a Soul Pancake Science of Happiness experiment and then made to view the video of the experiment. One participant wiped tears from her eyes.

During worship the pastor led a Time With The Children in which he explained communion with reference to his stole, a gift from a church member that features images from the sanctuary’s stained glass windows, including a loaf and cup. The pastor’s daughter was the only child who could identify what the stole was. “I wanted to make some joke about her being a pastor’s kid when she did that,” the pastor remarked. “But I thought better of it.”

“Yeah, I’m glad he kept his mouth shut,” said the pastor’s wife. “She’s at the age (five) where she’s totally fine with being the pastor’s kid. But trust me, before long she’s going to hate it and he’ll regret drawing any attention to it at all.”

After the worship service, several worshipers groped and ogled over the stole, a gesture which the pastor repeatedly mistook for attempts to shake his hand.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of the day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_KzMpOg/

7:00. Alarm goes off. Yes, 7:00. After daughter’s Halloween party on Saturday and staying up past midnight to finish editing the long overdue movie about our summer vacation, I slept in an hour on Sunday. So defrock me.

7:41. Dressing in black and grey today. I need my colorful socks for a conference I’m attending during the week, for which I’ve been boasting to friends that my socks will “mean business.”

7:44. Breakfast is the bottom half of a leftover Panera bagel from yesterday morning’s gathering of youth ministry volunteers. Chewy.

8:07. Stopping at the grocery store on the way to church. After nearly two months of fall Sundays, I’m finally leading the high school Sunday school class. Yesterday I solicited breakfast requests from several of them by text message, so I’m confidently picking up some muffins and orange juice, impressed with my ability to engage young people in substantive decision making.

8:30. Breakfast spread is ready: mini muffins, mini danish, bananas, and OJ. Snap a photo of it and text to students. This is what they pay me for.

8:38. Setting up the laptop in the sanctuary to show this week’s “Blessings” slide show featuring Erin Dunigan’s pictures when the first student response shakes my phone: “I’ll be there. Nom.”

8:40. Follow up response from same student. “On second thought, I have too much homework.” Another log on the homework bonfire.

8:42. Second student replies to breakfast text. “I’m getting kidnapped this morning so I can’t be there. My mom told you about it.” Rule mom out as kidnapping suspect. I’m gonna miss that kid.

9:02. Standing outside Sunday school classroom with other teachers, waiting for students to arrive. Crickets. (The step son of one of the teachers had recommended the muffins. He’s home sleeping.)

9:03. Text from wife: “we just got up, so we’re not coming to church today.” Reply 😦 I can’t even get my wife to show up.

9:05. Swapping stories with other teachers of high school pranks our “friends” pulled off in high school. The town is abuzz after students from the rival high school painted up our school’s parking lot and littered it with nails.

9:11. First high school student arrives. Cue the victory music.

9:16. Begin Bible study with three adults and one high school student. Trying not to direct every question to the student.

9:32. Bible study is joined by a fourth adult, the leader of the Family Focus Sunday school class. They got one less participant than the high school class.

9:41. Discussion of humility features anecdotes about kidnapped Mexican politicians. High school student looking bewildered.

10:06. Congratulating the congregation on it’s robust support of last week’s Walk for The Hungry. “You guys are great. Uh . . . good job?”

10:18. Children’s Time. CE Director is line-by-line teaching the children a benediction song. Halfway through the second line, with the whole congregation listening intently, CE Director’s infant son lets out an epic rasberry from the first row. It’s at least 15 seconds in length. CE Director losing it.

10:23. Reading today’s Scripture lesson, which is only two verses long. Using a Scottish accent, just to keep it interesting.

11:09. Greeting a young couple on the patio after worship, working hard on that balance between sincere interest and desperation. “Please like us!”

11:32. Congregational meeting to present a preliminary budget, share stewardship goals, and elect officers. And to eat crunchy Asian salad. Seconding the motion for more of the salad (see what I did there?).

11:37. Church member with whom I had a phone conversation earlier in the week follows up with a typed letter, handing it to me between bites of salad before leaving for another engagement. Fold the letter and put it in my pocket, wondering if it will end up in the laundry.

12:02. Talking with a church member who read my ECO blog post earlier in the week and who worshiped last weekend at one of the angry Presbyterian churches. “They say ‘savior’ a lot,” he observes. “That’s a word we hardly use here ever.” Respond by narrating a brief history of American evangelicalism, then stop, deciding once again that I care less about explaining the differences between evangelicalism and our church than I do about doing church really, really well. Then wonder if that decision is worth anything.

12:15. Return home to help put the house back together after yesterday’s party (our condo is small enough that having company requires stuffing the living room into the garage, like kids cleaning their room by hiding clothes and toys under their bed.)

12:17. Changing my clothes and remembering to take the church member’s letter out of my slacks pocket and place it in the pocket of my shorts. Again wondering if it will find the laundry.

12:18. Texting youth group students, trolling for snack volunteers for this afternoon’s youth groups. “First one to reply wins.”

12:19. We have a winner. This is what they pay me for.

12:20. Wife offers untouched pie from yesterday’s party to the youth groups. Seriously? Where were you three minutes ago?

12:52. Having regained access to the garage, cleaning cat’s litter box and assessing my experiment at using an old Diaper Champ as a dirty kitty litter bin. It works great, until you lift a week’s worth of litter out of the bin and rip the bag open, spilling Hell’s belly all over the floor.

2:30. Wife napping. Trying to convince Daughter to do a grocery store run with me. Nope.

2:36. Finalizing vacation movie instead and uploading to Vimeo.

2:41. Daughter notices bag by the door, a bag filled with items for the Goodwill, items including some of Daughter’s things she hasn’t played with in forever. Uh oh. “These are my faaaavorite!” Daughter wails. Trying to argue that if they really were her favorite she would have noticed them missing before she spied them in the bag is a loser’s errand.

2:44. Wife intercedes in GoodwillGate from upstairs, ruling that Daughter can keep the items. Daughter wins, but is playing the hurt to the hilt, burying her face in the carpet and moaning.

2:46. Turning on a movie. Not only has Daughter saved her excess toys from making other children happy, now she’s enjoying a victory lap of The Smurfs.

3:43. Getting ready to leave for youth groups, making wife some post-nap coffee. She reminds me, “Don’t forget the pie.” Don’t forget the pie? C’mon, man. I got this.

3:57. On my way out the door to youth groups, grab the bag with Daughter’s ransomed toys, looking back over my shoulder to see if she noticed. She didn’t. I’m a monster, I know.

4:01. Halfway to the church before I realize I forgot the pie.

4:42. Snap a junior high student’s three game Connect Four winning streak. Debut my victory dance to blank stares.

4:57. Leading junior high students in writing acrostic poems with the word E-V-I-L. Winner: Every Venomous Intention Loses. Student next to me can’t get over the fact that he can use both “elephant” and “virgin” in the same composition.

5:38. Playing Grog. A student has brought his costume for this: black robe and silver skeleton mask. Notice that the boys scream like frightened toddlers when chased. The girls seem bored. Constructing an anthropological theory in my head about adolescent boys’ delight in danger.

5:57. Winning snack volunteer has brought chips and a dip she claims is her grandmother’s secret recipe. Swallow the claim with gusto, along with most of the dip.

6:01. Music Director debuting a new youth program tonight, which I’ve dubbed “The Youth Music Thing.” Good initial turnout. I’ve got a pie at home, though, so . . .

6:23. Return to Youth Music Thing with pie to discover that, in my absence, students have convinced the Music Director–sound unheard,–that their first project should be a music video of The Aquabats’ “Hey Homies!” They’re over the moon when I walk in because they know I have this on my iPod.

6:25. Student demonstrates the “360 Hug” by lifting me up and spinning me around. After, he collapses on a couch in pain and yells, “Why are you so fat?!” Use the last piece of pizza to stifle my tears.

7:01. Youth Intern arrives with a Grande Coffee for me. Cry on his shoulder a little bit.

7:24. German foreign exchange student stymies the high school youth group when he shares that the thing that made him happy this week was the realization that he’s smarter than everybody else in his math class. Awkward laughter. American youth really don’t know what to do with this kind of hubris.

8:12. Youth Intern leading a very thoughtful conversation on the problem of evil in which all of the students are eagerly and respectfully contributing. I’m tracing the coffee stain on the side of my cup with a pen.

8:39. Playing Grog. Again. There should be a seminary class on the proper technique for jumping out from behind a sanctuary door to scare the bejeesus out of a student. Also, I should teach that class.

8:53. Somebody keeps crop dusting the front of the sanctuary during the game. Invent a joke: “Eww, somebody Grogged.” Nothin’.

9:02. There are two slices of pie left and they’re coming home with me. They will compliment my fat pizza nicely.

9:30. First order of business upon returning home is to grab the torrent of tonight’s episode of The Walking Dead. Second order of business is to pull up the archive of this afternoon’s Broncos’ game. Business getting done.

10:11. Daughter comes downstairs. “Daddy, Mommy said to come down and have you get me a snack.” Pick her up and hold her for a bit before getting her some chips and warm milk, which I tell her my dad used to make for me when I couldn’t sleep (at least once he did). She’s delirious to be part of a family tradition.

10:14. Daughter explaining that she watched a video with Mommy that scared her. It was a Bible video, she says, about David, who got sent to the scary forest where there was lots of lava. Probably Apocryphal.

10:17. Suggest that I take Daughter to her bed. “No Daddy, I can go by myself.” Great. Follow her to the stairs. “No, Daddy, you don’t need to come with me.” Watch her take two steps up the stairs. “Daddy, don’t follow me. Really. Don’t.” She reaches the top of the stairs and sprints to Mommy and Daddy’s bed, where she announces to her sleeping mother, “Daddy made me warm milk like Grandpa used to make for him!” So much for a sleep aid.

11:09. Broncos’ game finished. Putting off Monday Morning Quarterback til the morning. Head to bed with the church member’s letter still in my pocket.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of the day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K0LCS3A/

6:00. Up. What? Is that surprising?

6:08. It’s red socks today. Match the tie with them, match the tie with them.

7:09. Assembling papers that have nothing to do with Sunday school, worship, committee meeting, or either of the youth groups.

7:57. Leaving with breakfast. Cereal poured into a child’s drinking cup. This is not good.

8:28. Setting up the slide presentation that will run while people come into worship. It’s the text of “blessings” people submitted in worship last week atop Erin Dunigan’s photos as backgrounds. Excited for people to see this.

9:46. Considering this question with the adult education forum: “What is the effect of denying marriage to a couple who wishes to live out the claims of baptism in their relationship?” Fruitful conversation.

9:56. Start the slide presentation I made with just enough time for people to see four minutes of it before the service starts. Fail.

10:17. During Children’s Time, Christian Ed. Director praises daughter for bringing back her “blessing book” from last week. Elbow the guest speaker. “That’s my daughter.”

10:19. Daughter stands during Children’s Time to retrieve a wedgie. Look away from guest speaker.

10:21. Kids learning “This Little Light of Mine.” As we turn the corner from the second to the third verse, praying it’s not the “Won’t let Satan blow it out” verse. It’s not. Whew. Who teaches that to children? Seriously?

10:54. Goading the acolyte into performing a leaping karate move when he stands to collect the offering during the Doxology.

11:03. As the service is ending, notice for the first time that a former student is in the choir. Robe and everything. Elated.

11:43. Persuade the adult ed committee to let me use Soul Pancake for our unit on gratitude in November.

11:56. Changing clothes in the youth room bathroom to go to the hunger walk. Church ladies meeting in the youth room. Is this weird?

12:30. Arrive for the hunger walk with Daughter. Find our one other walker from the church. We are a team of 3. Other churches have double digits and matching T-shirts. I’m not doing this right.

12:43. Daughter making the church’s sign for the walk. Actually impressed at the drawing she’s done of our sanctuary. Stained glass included.

12:50. Daughter getting a balloon. A purple one.

12:52. Daughter getting her face painted. Rainbow with a jewell, fool.

1:00. The walk begins. Daughter sets off with gusto. And her balloon.

1:07. First walk find: an LED flashlight. Keeper.

1:11. Second walk find: a feather. Keeper.

1:15. With her balloon and two finds distracting her, daughter’s pace has slowed to a mindless mosey.

1:17. We’ve only made the first turn of the walk route, and already the ladies with canes are passing us.

1:19. Near miss with the balloon and a tree. Warn daughter to be careful the balloon doesn’t pop. She hugs it tight to her chest.

1:24. We have our first, “Are we done yet?”

1:37. Daughter taking another water break. Sitting down on the sidewalk for this one.

1:43. Daughter declares she wants to go home.

1:57. The balloon finally flies too close to a tree branch and meets its end. Hysteria. Antigone-style wailing all over the sidewalk.

2:01. Still crying. Little girl in a stroller offers her another balloon, and daughter refuses it with folded arms and a tucked chin. Shrivel. Little girl tells her mother, “Mommy, I think her wanted a purple balloon.”

2:03. Still crying.

2:06. Still crying.

2:11. Daughter stops crying to ask, “Daddy, when will we be finished?” Me: “Just at the bottom of this hill.” It’s not true and I know it.

2:15. The route turns off the hill to the left, then back up the hill for a block. This is trouble. They’ve made a liar of me. Commence crying . . . now.

2:24. Tell Daughter how impressed I am with her for walking the whole distance, and she covers her ears and screams, “I don’t want to hear anything from you!”

2:30. Complete the 2.5 mile walk and secure daughter a new balloon. And some popcorn.

2:39. Daughter’s eyes rolling back in her head as she stuffs popcorn in her mouth on the drive home.

3:25. Daughter asks me to tear her five lengths of tape and stick them to her arms so she can take them upstairs. “What for?” I ask. “I’m making something.” Ascends the stairs.

3:28. “Daddy, I need one more piece of tape.” Ascends the stairs.

3:32. Daughter asking for more tape. Four pieces this time. Ascends the stairs.

3:35. Daughter asks for one more piece of tape. No, two more. Ascends the stairs.

3:38. Daughter descends the stairs with the thing she’s been building upstairs. It’s a “laboratory light” that utilizes the LED flashlight she found during the walk.

3:46. Wife has arranged the produce she got at the farmer’s market on the counter, and it’s lovely. Fight the urge to cancel youth groups.

4:47. Junior high students arguing Dr. Who. How is it that the PBS show I instinctively skipped as a seven year-old is now the hot teen media property?

5:12. Intern prepares a game that involves navigating an obstacle course of water balloons blindfolded. He thinks the water balloons are going back in the bucket at the end of the game. Silly, silly, intern.

5:28. Throw the first water balloon.

5:32. Intern has junior high students playing “steal the bacon” with a greased watermelon. How great is my intern?

5:51. Experimenting with Lectio Divina Bible reading for the junior high students. One starts to giggle and has to leave the room cackling.

6:27. Driving to the trampoline gym with high schoolers, the German exchange student in the back is re-telling his homecoming experience from the night before. “We don’t have dances like that at my school in Germany, and even if we did I don’t think the girls would dance like that!” He’s grinning like a lunatic.

6:56. This place is all trampoliiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!

7:33. Crushing these kids in trampoline dodgeball. By crushing I mean showing them how to get out within the first five seconds every single game.

7:56. Intern delaying our exit from the trampoline place in order to play this stupid song on the jukebox. Students going nuts though, so it’s totally worth it.

8:23. Ordering a bacon cheesburger and fries on the rationale that I walked 2.5 miles and jumped on a trampoline for an hour today. Weak.

8:36. Intern puts a tray of peanuts in front of peanut allergy kid, who looks up from his phone and says, “Yeah, I could die from that.”

8:45. Leaving the burger joint, student looks quesy, so I ask: “Man, are you okay?” His answer? “Sort of.” Not encouraging.

9:02. Sick of sitting behind a lumbering semi in the exit lane, I move to pass him on the left, then realize I’ve only got about a hundred yards before the exit. Gun it to make the exit. Simultaneous shame and pride.

9: 14. Taking a student home. Along the way he’s narrating the drama surrounding crushes in choir. Why was I never in choir?

9:47. Settle in to watch the replay of the Broncos/Colts game. “Game not unavailable during Sunday Night Football.” Blurg! Starting Monday Morning Quarterback. Writing this one in reverse.

10:17. After completing 2:06 of Monday Morning Quarterback, receive a text from college student from our church. It’s a picture of him and another college student from our church, only who goes to school on the opposite end of the country. They ran into each other in a New England Starbucks. I love my job.

10:47. Done with Monday Morning Quarterback. Broncos game still not on.

11:20. Still no Broncos. Going to bed.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K0JRhPg/

5:42. Wake up. Check the time. Consider for three seconds getting up 18 minutes ear—back to sleep

5:59. Having a dream in which I’m the guest preacher at my old church where, in the middle of the sermon, a group of college students spontaneously gets up and starts doing an Irish dance. “Weird,” I think. “I don’t remember there being any college students here before.”

6:00. The merciless march of time snares me by the ankle and shakes me awake.

6:17. Grab a pair of socks in the dark and decide, sight unseen, that these will be the centerpiece of my outfit today. They turn out to be bright blue. Sadly, I have clothes to match that.

6:58. Revisiting the sermon I tried to complete last night. Wishing I’d finished it, but not regretting for a second the Top Gun quote-athon I engaged on Facebook. “Because I was inverted.”

7:34. Making Wife some coffee, at least 80 % certain it’ll go to waste.

8:03. Picking up donuts for the Sunday school class. Two years ago I was given a specific list of what kinds to get. Today I’m experimenting with a random assortment and retiring the list. They may kill me.

8:08. Stopping at the crunchy grocery store to pick up gluten free donuts and hormone free chocolate milk, wondering if they’re for a student free Sunday school.

8:15. Arrive to an eerily quiet church campus. Nothing is set up and the office is still locked. Did the rapture happen?

8:22. Trying to print sermon, but computer is super sluggish. Massaging my temples to avoid screaming.

8:25. Taking a walk to hang Sunday School signs while computer churns. Can’t find my stapler. Fuming.

8:54. Head to youth room to greet junior high and high school students. Get there and realize my watch is 20 minutes fast. It’s actually 8:34. Return to the office and take some deep breaths.

8:47. Learn from Godly Play teacher that last week Daughter told him, “My daddy does whatever my mommy says.” Begin to protest, but catch Wife’s glare out of the corner of my eye and do as I’m told.

8:54. Student arrives for Sunday school and greets the news that the regular teachers are gone and that, therefore, there’s no Veggie Tales, by slinking to the ground and sobbing. I hate Veggie Tales.

9:23. After several attempts to engage students in a conversation about our worship service, realize I’m that moron who can’t get teenagers to give him a straight answer about anything. My questions are more easily answered with snark. I am good for snark.

10:11. Daughter and her playmate have a falling out during the opening hymn. Wife comforting daughter on the front pew.

10:27. Twitchin’ to get in the pulpit.

10: 40. Dropping names.

11:12. Join my colleague in being interviewed by a local college student for a religious studies class. Joke that he missed the animal sacrifice ritual last week.

12:00. Daughter and Friend are with us for a playdate. Cat attacking Daughter’s friend.

12:53. Girls agree that this is a “naked playdate,” and the clothes come off.

1:02. Facebook post from church member says worship makes him feel “Close to God.” My work here is done.

1:46. Big Trouble in Little Playdate. “She said she doesn’t like me anymore!”

1:48. Wife serves girls pretzels and peanut butter, turns on My Little Pony. Now it’s, “I love you.” Friendship really is magic!

3:12. Wife enlisting girls to unwrap Hershey’s Kisses for Pinterest-inspired witch hat cookies. They’re lagging behind, and the only way she can interest them in the task is to chastise them like orphans out of Annie.

4:49. Schooling junior high kids at Laser Tag. The one who catches the most lasers wins, right?

6:34. Shoveling Burger King between youth groups. Not my proudest moment.

7:23. High school student has brought his X-box to youth group. Ask him where the joystick is.

7:45. Playing a racing game against another adult volunteer. YOU CAN’T TOUCH THIS!

7:47. Member of Indonesian church that shares our campus invites students to come to the Fellowship Hall and enjoy some of their food. From a funeral reception.

8:01. Indonesian church member returns, irritated that we haven’t come yet. Walk to the hall with him, shake his hands, and explain that the students aren’t dressed for a funeral. Instantly sure I’m causing great offense.

8:34. Discussing “sainthood” with students. The senior next to me gushes about Mother Theresa, and I’m pretty sure he’s about to cry.

8:42. Students sharing their favorite anecdotes about Pope Francis. Presbyterian high school students gushing over the Pope. Didn’t see that coming. Like it, but didn’t see it coming.

8:43. Decide to dedicate an upcoming youth group week entirely to Pope Francis.

8:52. Prayer-At-The-Close-Of-Day. Amen.

9:17. Home. Watching the replay of the Broncos game. I should go to bed. I have an early flight tomorrow. But it’s the Broncos.

11:15. Beginning Monday Morning Quarterback. I’m doomed.

11:50. Going to bed.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of The Day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K0F2RJk/

5:43. Awakened by flocks of screeching parrots. It’s autumn in Pomona.

5:57. Awakened by, “Ow! You’re on my hair!” Daughter has wedged herself into our bed. Reset alarm from 6:00 to 7:00

6:47. Awakened by anxiety.

7:32. Looking at my Bullet Journal for the first time in three days. Making to do’s for tomorrow. Today? Sunday asks no to do’s; only begs reaction.

7:44. Deliver coffee to wife, still in bed, watching replay of SNL with daughter.

8:11. Picking up coffee traveler for Family Focus group, run into mom of junior high student. Remember how much I love living in a place where I just run into people like this.

8:46. En route to hang signs and set up iPad in sanctuary, stop to help a Sunday School teacher with a paper jam in the copier (by “help” I mean stand by with my hands on my hips and mumbling, “Hmm” before moving on).

9:49. Listening to a mother of four describing her family’s sojourn from Korea to Texas to Ohio to California. Marvel.

10:06. Heading to sanctuary to make final preparations before annual 10:30 World Communion service with our partner Hispanic and Indonesian congregations. Stopped by new family with baby. Decide to walk them to the nursery.

10:11. Heading to sanctuary again. Stopped by woman with four small children I’ve never seen before. Two of these kids are toddlers, running circles around the courtyard and causing their mother incalculable anxiety. Decide to walk them to the nursery.

10:13. Introduce new mom to nursery staff with lots of reassurances about children’s programs.

10:22. Acolytes are ready. Now stealing two shiny new hymnals from the front pew for colleague and I to sing from.

10:32. Multi-lingual welcome underway. New mom’s kids are squirrely.

10:36. High school student is making an announcement about our charity walk in a couple weeks. She’s killing it. She’s great.

10:41. During the Call to Worship, new mom stands from her pew and scampers down the center aisle out the back door with two of her kids. The third stays behind a moment, then bolts after them. Die a little from the certainty that we won’t see them again.

11:22. Daughter executing her debut liturgical dance with the help of two magic women. Watching in wonder and pride and just the slightest bit of self conscious guilt over my pride.

11:36. Enjoying taking communion with wife in the front pew, since the other churches’ pastors are serving with my colleague. I could get used to this.

11:47. On the patio after worship, lots of people telling me they were watching my expression during Daughter’s liturgical dance and not the dance itself. Note to self: show. no. emotion.

12:09. With Head of Staff and Youth Choir Director, performing the annual ritual wringing-of-the-hands over the lack of youth interest in choir.

12:47. I am the grocery shopper, shopping for groceries. Anything bearing the descriptor, “Pumpkin” is in my cart. There is, however, no actual pumpkin.

1:51. Groceries put away. Bok Choy and Tempeh on for lunch. Wife napping. Daughter suing to watch “Oliver!” Ask her to wait. Whines. Assure her that it’s worth the waiting for/if she lives til 84. She’s not amused.

2:11. Watching “Oliver!” with Daughter.

2:44. Daughter absent mindedly tickling her fingers on my beard stubble. It’s putting me to sleep.

4:10. College-aged Junior high youth group volunteer calls. “Um, it’s almost 4:30 and there’s nobody here yet.” Dude, relax. Love the enthusiasm. But relax.

4:27. Arrive at youth group without my outline and not having prepared the telling of the Good Shepherd and World Communion Godly Play story I’d planned. Check the Godly Play room to find the sheep from the story missing. Five wooden sheep, gone. Change plan.

5:12. Jr. high kids OUT OF CONTROL during my mini talk on communion. Intern takes two of them outside for a tongue lashing. This is a first.

5:28. Showing students a clip from Top Chef to set up their activity: design a one-night restaurant, complete with name, decor, menu, and guest list. It’s Restaurant Wars for youth group!

5:42. My Restaurant Wars group puts the finishing touches on their idea: a restaurant called “+ Bacon” (pronounced with a French accent, Plus Bacon) that serves classic dishes with bacon added. Oh, and the plates are made of woven bacon. Also, the cream puffs are topped with bacon florets.

5:59. Turn Jr. high students loose on the snacks. Cheese puffs flying everywhere. And there’s a kid drinking directly out of the lemonade container.

6:08. Shoveling spicy cheese curls into my mouth.

7:09. High school student arrives with maple cookies, spiced cider, and candy corn for youth group. This is trouble.

7:22. Candy corn sickness setting in.

7:47. Playing The Game of Things with high schoolers, get text from wife: “Joleesa [our hamster of three years] is dying.” Gulp.

7:52. Texts about the hamster still coming. Let the high schoolers in on it, so as to not seem rude checking my phone every 60 seconds.

7:53. The first dead hamster joke appears.

7:54. We’ve moved on to “hamster cancer” jokes.

8:37. Intern leading a really nice bread-and-juice discussion of communion. Students engaged. I live for this.

9:02. Youth group over. Call home and learn that the hamster’s death bed is . . . my bed.

9:23. Return home to find wife in bed with hamster, breathing intermittently, wrapped in a dish towel on her chest. Wife is crying.

9:53. After watching Joleesa struggle for 30 minutes, go downstairs to clean her cage, planning to place her in it for the night.

9:59. Time of Death: 9:59. R.I.P. Joleesa The Hamster.

10:01. Wife informs me of her plan to bury Joleesa in the garden tomorrow.

10:30. Wife goes to sleep and I take the deceased hamster to the garage in her cage. Then turn on the replay of today’s Broncos/Cowboys game.

12:02. Through with game. Begin Monday Morning Quarterback.

12:39. Monday Morning Quarterback . . . done.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of The Day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K0J_ne8/

4:00: “Mommy! I wet my bed!” Wife and I changing sheets in Daughter’s room as the newest member of our household, a seven week-old kitten, looks on with alarm.

4:14. Sheets changed but now I’m awake. Consider getting up.

6:00. Alarm. Step out of bed and remember again yesterday’s adventure in fitness: a Crossfit class Wife compelled me to try. The ache I feel with each step indicates that it was either the best or the worst thing I’ve ever done to my body.

6:23. Coffee made. Sitting down to prepare youth Sunday school. Find an email from the Children’s Director detailing the excruciating pain she’s in and explaining that she will be absent from the morning’s activities. Start to prepare other things.

6:42. Daughter up with the kitten. Wife calling for coffee. Give her my cup, confident she won’t be able to tell it’s only 2/3 full.

7:17. For no good reason at all, creating Dropbox and Google Drive folders for sharing things with youth ministry volunteers. Youth groups ended last week.

8:07. On the church walkway, discover a slick of dog diarrhea. Spot a nearby traffic cone to place in front of it. Reflect on the oddness of a readily available traffic cone.

8:36. Headed out to pick up the coffee for our Sunday School class. If it’s not there as people arrive at 9:00, I’ve found, people don’t drink it. They literally refuse to get up for coffee after the class has started.

9:14. Staring down a chocolate cake donut. Win.

9:37. Sicking a 9th grader on the Oxford Dictionary of World Religions: “Dude, find ‘Justification’ in there.”

10:06. Student pulls me up before the church with no warning to complete his announcement about the youth fundraiser. I did just throw a dictionary at him, though, so I guess we’re even.

10:18. Asserting to the children, by way of explaining “Blessed are those who mourn,” that it’s okay if some of the things Jesus taught don’t make sense to us. Blank stares. Yeah, I think they get it.

10:42. Helping lead the summer kids program now, coloring an image of God picture on sandpaper.

11:17. Committee meeting in the same room as the youth Sunday school class. Chocolate cake donut still there. Stare it into submission. Win again.

11:23. Adult Education Committee endorses idea to spend six weeks next fall with our denomination’s recently published study of Christian Marriage. Score one for the company man.

12:04. The donut wins.

12:38. Return home to find picnic blanket spread on living room floor. Daughter yells, “Surprise! Happy Father’s Day!” Blubber something about a donut.

1:38. Wife invites me to take a Father’s Day nap, adding that she doesn’t believe I’ll allow myself to actually do it. Head upstairs to prove her wrong.

1:40. Check score of the Royals/Rays game first. Then send an email. And a couple texts.

1:42. Turn 9th inning of game on with my phone. Sleep through the last out.

2:00. Wake up. Try hard for more nap time to prove Wife wrong.

2:30. Still awake. Get up and go downstairs. Wife asleep on the couch. Daughter prancing around the kitten.

3:43. Take Daughter with me to store to get drinks for tomorrow’s big Junior High Work Week activity, with a planned stop at the coffee shop.

4:17. Coffee cake.

4:30. Heading for the opening night of VBS.

4:32. Using the drive to return a reference call for a former student. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she walks on water.”

5:09. Properly start my VBS job: holding one of the Director’s newborns. Best. Gig. Ever.

5:59. Doing some vowel sound exercises with the newborn. Female VBS volunteers look on in amazement. Note: tomorrow night bring Dickens.

6:08. Newborn is crying. Hand him off to formerly admiring female volunteer and head for the kitchen for pudding.

8:12. Return home. Wife has packed everybody’s lunch for tomorrow. Gangsta.

8:15. Sit down to compose a quick email to the Office Manager to find in the morning. Suddenly remember I never called my dad. Text Mom, “You guys still up?

8:16. Check Facebook while I wait for Mom’s reply. Find this and curse:

8:20. Friend pings me to say he’s looking forward to reading in Monday Morning Quarterback about how my Mom called me out on Facebook for not calling my dad on Father’s Day.

8:41. Mom replies, “Call in about 20 minutes.” Start composing Monday Morning Quarterback. Struggling to spell, “Diarrhea.”

9:00. Call Dad. Feel a little less terrible. He’s eager to tell me about the bass that swallowed the trout that had gulped down his fly. It’s a whole thing, trust me.

9:23. Put Daughter and kitten in bed.

9:51. Monday Morning Quarterback . . . done.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of The Day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_KxTJmw/

6:17. Up to put together a youth Sunday school lesson.

6:19. Watching the condensed game of the Royals Saturday win over the Astros first.

6:33. Using Wikipedia to bone up on Galatians. You know, for the teens.

7:12. I don’t need to get dressed yet, but I got a new suit yesterday and I’m eager to put it on.

7:43. Saying goodbye to Wife and Daughter for the day. They’re spending it at the Pride Parade in West Hollywood. LIttle baby’s all grows up.

7:44. Bump into neighbor out front. He compliments the suit but insults the shoes. Come this close to going back inside and changing them.

8:09. Placing Graduate Recognition gifts on the communion table while I’m thinking about it, lest I forget them.

8:19. Printing youth Sunday School lesson. Second guessing exegetical exercise for Greek euangellion. Also this: “introduce Apostle Paul’s life story (2 minutes).”

8:24. CE Director’s baby smiles at me. Day=made.

8:51. With the church nursery dislocated due to preschool building flooding, advising the Nursery Director on the best place to change diapers.

8:58. Making copies for adult education leader who agreed to fill in on two days’ notice. Copies? I’ll make you a cake right now if you ask me to.

9:34. Discussion with teens of Paul’s “zeal” relative to theirs. At this hour, they’re zealous only for donuts.

10:09. As the Introit wanes, acolyte lights three candles in 1.8 seconds, then races to lectern to lead the Call to Worship. Then spikes the snuffer on the chancel in celebration.

10:18. My lapel mic has come unclipped from my belt. Using the Children’s Time to stealthily unzip my robe and retrieve it. Assuming the worst about how this looks.

10:23. Guest preacher (whose wife and three kids have worshiped with us since the fall) thanking the congregation for welcoming his family these several months. Choking up.

10:41. Leading a recognition of our high school graduates. Choking up.

10:45. Concluding the Graduate Recognition. Someone calls out from the pews, “What are their names?!” Pounding my head and exclaiming, “Idiot!”

11:49. Post-church prospective officer discernment gathering. Participant shares that, while there’s lots of “top down” opportunities for leadership, he’d like to see more “bottom up opportunities.” Elder next to me suggests under her breath, “Well, maybe not.” Giggles.

12:02. Someone tells me I look good, “healthy.” Thank them, but ask what they think of my shoes.

12:09. Invited to lunch. Don’t mind if I do . . .

1:33. Home. Set timer for one hour and 30 minute nap.

2:12. Phone rings. Nap officially over.

3:01. Heading out to get supplies for Junior High Youth Group Year-End Party. Frisbee: check. Pool noodle: check. Oreos: check. Water balloons: check.

3:39. Filling water balloons. In my new suit.

4:39. Students arriving for party. Nobody mentioning the suit. Baffled.

5:01. Toilet paper games in the wind don’t work. File that one away.

5:23. Water balloon pops on my new suit.

5:34. Milk spills on my new suit.

5:45. Ducking out of party for community baccalaureate service. Why do I smell like milk?

6:48. Sweating the organist for the baccalaureate. She sent me an irate email the other day, owing to the fact that nobody told her about the service til Friday but promising to be there. Composing alternate processional in my head.

6:52. Organ prelude begins playing. Fall to my knees in gratitude. Gonna stash that processional away for a rainy day, though.

7:04. Processing in with graduates. Everybody has their cameras out, but nobody’s taking my picture. Don’t they know I’m wearing a new suit?

7:09. Calling the congregation to worship. “Peace be with you . . . ” “Who are you?! And where did you get that suit?!”

7:33. Beaming as one of my students gives a baccalaureate talk. Nudging the adult leader next to me. “That one’s mine.”

8:10. Local Pastor giving the Baccalaureate Address should be done by now. Instead, he’s transitioning with, “You know what? Lemme go here . . . ”

8:12. Local Pastor: “And another thing . . . ”

8:16. Local Pastor: “And what about this?”

8:20. Local Pastor holds his iPhone to the pulpit microphone and plays a country song. People passing out in the aisles.

8:22. Lament to the adult leader next to me that my new suit has become wrinkled. He observes, “It wasn’t wrinkled when this guy started preaching.”

8:35. Students singing a Bruno Mars benediction. All is well.

9:19. Home. Daughter tells me that she went to a parade today for “The gees!”

10:12 Monday Morning Quarterback=done; suit=hung.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of the day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_KzOFYw/

6:00. Walk Me Up alarm sounds and is uncharacteristically pacified by a desperate wave of the hand. Throat is scratchy and I feel like a sack of bricks. Climb out of the cavern that is my mattress and head for the shower.

6:39. Ibuprofen and coffee.

6:43. Working on an outline for the adult education forum this morning on bullying. Local high school student was supposed to be the centerpiece, but he was felled by a previously scheduled lifeguard exam. Now it’s me and whatever shreds of danah boyd’s research I can piece together. That’s a lot actually. She’s amazing.

7:37. Consulting with Wife a about the coordination of my awesome shoes with my black pants. Uh uh. Don’t work. Gotta go with khaki.

8:13. Arrive to find the Children’s Center Director entering her office, a novel sight for a Sunday morning. Saturday brought bad news about last week’s bathroom flood and the consequent inspection; the words “asbestos” and “preschool” pass heavily between us as we do a quick back-of-the-napkin game plan for a preschool evicted from its building for four weeks.

8:43. Distributing 20 copies of the adult education handout on a perfect circle of chairs.

8:56. Greet a 7th grader with the news that he’s one of the morning’s acolytes. “No I’m not,” he answers. “My mom said I didn’t have to anymore.” Adolescent development, Luther, and The Doctrine of Vocation would make a great seminary paper title.

9:11. Over 30 people now crowding into the adult education forum. Introductory question: “why does this matter to you.” Stunned by adults relating experiences, not only of their kids being bullied, but of their own absorption of bullying at work. Didn’t count on that.

9:52. Flee the forum late for worship and deputize an unsuspecting participant. “Take over.”

9:59. Donning my newest stole for the first time. It’s a five year anniversary gift made by a dear church member back in February, at the start of Lent. I’ve looked forward to Ordinary Time more eagerly than normal this year. Also, it matches my shoes.

10:01. Two acolytes materialize providentially. They’re on the small size, and last week’s candles gave us some trouble, so we do a quick lighting practice. All six candles light. We even replace one of the tapers, just to be safe.

10:07. Brand new taper failing its maiden voyage. Two chancel candles won’t light. As high school student plays and sings a delicate introit, the entire congregation watches the acolyte and Head of Staff strain at the candles before finally accepting defeat.

10:13. As the saints of God pass the peace of Christ, I claim my victory over the two holdout candles.

10:14. Head of Staff has gone missing while Children’s Director conducts the Children’s Time. After several minutes of scanning the sanctuary, I locate her: in the choir loft holding one of the Children’s Director’s babies. Sneaky.

10:19. Reading Galatians 1 through sniffles.

10:49. As Head of Staff invites the congregation to communion in between me and the Parish Associate behind the Table, a sneeze is coming. I successfully contain it, though I’m sure both my feet left the floor.

11:06. Greeting folks on the patio, recruit former student and recent college graduate to give Daughter swim lessons–starting tomorrow. Girl’s gotta learn, like, yesterday.

11:21. Making my way to Teacher Appreciation reception. Stopped by one of the bullying forum participants who offers helpful advice for the next one.

11:25. Advice still coming . . .

11:26. Break away from advise to chase down some reception cake (I skipped breakfast). Intercepted by 6th grader who launches into a nuanced recitation of a Zelda YouTube video.

11:29. Zelda, Zelda, Zelda, Zelda . . . cake only feet away. Getting woozy.

11:33. More Zelda. This has to stop.

11:34. Crash the cake table. Enjoy first bite as Wife informs me that I’ll be taking daughter to her classmate’s Birthday pool party by myself. In 20 minutes.

11:44. Escaping reception to head for Birthday party with Daughter. Nabbed by church member with a book recommendation for the church library. It’s her sister’s book, a compilation of weekly advise columns for a Christian newspaper. Would I like to see it? Of course. Of course.

12:43. Declining a can of Tecate as politely as I can.

1:01. Devouring burger with mustard. Then another. Then wrinkled remains of Daughter’s hot dog.

1:39. Baking on a lawn chair as Daughter lays on the concrete next to me, wrapped in a towel. Didn’t bring a hat. Or sunglasses. Still, dozing.

2:00. Wife mercifully arrives to relieve me, so I can go home and put away the groceries she just bought.

2:23. Finish putting groceries away just in time to watch Royals put the finishing touches on another loss.

3:30. Head out for the store to get snacks for the Junior High Youth Group and a dinner item for the High School Youth Group year-end party. Lemonade, Cheese Puffs, Cookies, Taffy, and . . . salad?

5:12. Junior high game involves teams of three huddling together with their heads touching as they keep a balloon in the center of their feet. I tap out of my team of two 7th grade girls and offer the female adult volunteer a crack at it.

5:51. Urge students, ala Joshua 1, to be strong and courageous. Feeling weak.

7:06. Looking at a terrific spread for the high school party. Pizza, fried chicken, homemade bundt cake, enchiladas, spaghetti. And my salad.

8:42. The game is Name That Movie, where you try to get your team to guess the title by naming isolated features of it. Breathless student thus describes Star Wars: “Little green guy. Big black guy. Glowing sticks.” The real kicker comes with her explanation of the “Big black guy”: “I didn’t mean Darth Vader. I meant Samuel L. Jackson.”

9:01. Thanking volunteers for all their time. Telling students I love them, blessing them, and sending them into the summer.

9:32. Dropping student off. Heading home.

10:32. Working on Monday Morning Quarterback, suspiciously eyeing Daughter’s Antworks Ant Farm. The sides are covered in condensation, and they look mad. Plus, they seem to be eating the sealant on the lid. Contemplating consequences of ant jail break.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of the day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K-66jQ/

Unknown time. Eyes open to darkened living room. Look out the window at an eastern sky that is grudgingly lightening. Check watch. 4:30. Parents visiting from Denver: asleep in my bed. Wife and daughter: asleep in daughter’s room. Me: awake on the couch.

5:00. Give up trying to sleep. Coffee on.

5:16. Leafing through The Powers That Be in an attempt to solidify the Adult Education program I’m leading in a few hours. Not looking good.

6:02. Drain coffee cup and close my eyes for a few more moments of jittery sleep.

6:15. The L.A. Times on my Kindle. Comprehending nothing.

7:11. Daughter coming downstairs so I throw a blanket over my head. You know, to hide. She pulls the blanket off and screams, “Found you!”

7:12. Wife descends the stairs with a gift bag full of children’s books for a baby shower after church.

7:15. Explaining to daughter that leaving for church by myself in about 20 minutes. She’ll come later with Grandma and Grandpa. Mommy is staying home to set up for this afternoon’s Egyptian Birthday Party Bonanza.

7:45. Wife prevails upon me to take Daughter, Grandma, and Grandpa to church with me so she can finish party preparations uninterrupted.

8:01. Dressed for church, setting up folding tables on the lawn. And moving a lawn umbrella. And taking out trash. Stress mounting.

8:04. Wife to Daughter: don’t let Daddy forget the books for the baby shower. Insulted.

8:05. Neighbor to me. “On your way home from church get about 30 lbs of ice for the party.” I got this.

8:07. Pleading with Daughter to brush her teeth. My dad’s sitting and smiling, watching me struggle at the basics of child rearing.

8:12. Off to church with Grandpa, Grandma, and Daughter. Daughter is rocking a purple scarf she got as a birthday present.

8:17. Arrive at church to the realization that I forgot the bag of books for the baby shower. Curse.

8:23. Making the rounds: youth room, adult Sunday school room, office, sanctuary. Everything is as it should be, but something feels off.

8:42. Former student who just finished her freshman year in college shows up. Much rejoicing.

9:07. Trying to condense reams of research on the effects of media violence on behavior by saying, “nobody really knows.”

9:40. 10 minutes left in the adult education forum, and I’m about a third of the way through what I had planned. Fail.

9:52. Acolyte comes to retrieve me from Sunday school. Now that’s a reversal.

10:13. Daughter and her playmate processing down the center aisle with orange, red, and yellow pom poms they made in Sunday school for Pentecost. Playmate stops halfway down the aisle and performs some left and right elbow jabs. Impressive.

10:34. It’s a special service focusing on music, so most prayers replaced with hymns. Deciding against singing the Scripture lesson. Then, deciding against joking about having decided against singing the Scripture lesson.

12:17. Return home from church without the ice I was told to get. Curse. Shoving leftover party sandwiches in my mouth on my way to the store.

12:53. Return from store. Wife has transformed condo complex courtyard to into an Egyptian tableau: tables, decorations, a painted backdrop, a tent. It’s impressive, to say the least.

1:39. Trying on Wife’s best party decoration: a “full-figured” adult Pharaoh costume. Man, I look good.

3:06. Guests arriving for party. Nobody else wearing a Pharaoh costume.

3:39. Enjoy an afternoon and evening of great food, family, lovely weather, and Daughter. Top that, universe.

10:10. Truncate the end of Monday Morning Quarterback. Toooo trred t’finsh.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.

Song of The Day:

http://rd.io/x/QEq_K0ITuYU/

6:21. Eyes open to unfamiliar surroundings. Body aching. Lips chapped. Throat raw. Clarity returning now . . . rock climbing wall . . . wind-blown games of H-O-R-S-E . . . late night convulsions of laughter over The Game of Things . . . All Church Camp.

7:02. Bathroom greeting with church member. Is that ever not weird?

7:35. Daughter and her playmate are up. They’re scaling the bunk beds as Wife groans below.

8:11. Stumble down to join the rest of the church in the camp’s main lodge. Head of Staff’s husband has brought Starbucks travelers for everyone. Ask, “Is it cool if I kiss you right now?”

8:18. Reviewing with students the best Game of Things answers from the night before. Consensus quickly emerges that the best answer came in response to the prompt, “Things you shouldn’t say to a police officer to get out of a speeding ticket.” Answer from 7th grader: “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.” Now lamenting the fact that, for the prompt, “Things you would have said to Eve after she gave you the apple,” I didn’t answer, “We are never ever ever getting back together.”

8:28. Breakfast. Daughter is protesting the apple juice, which, she says, is not as dark as the apple juice her playmate had at lunch the day before.

9:44. Planning worship in teams around the Man of Macedonia story. 5th grader on my team wants only to perform a play where he’s a ghost who emerges from behind a bath towel.

10:34. Daughter’s playmate and her family leave. Prolonged hugs. And kisses. And hugs.

10:43. At the lake with Wife and Daughter. Didn’t pack a jacket, and it’s cold. Wife: “You never pack a jacket. I don’t feel bad for you.” She’s wearing a fleece and a sweater.

10:46. Daughter is machine gunning Cheeze-Its at the ducks.

11:23. Ping pong. For, like, an hour.

1:43. Closing worship service. Somehow, Head of Staff and her team have parlayed the Man of Macedonia into an acapella hip-shaking rendition of Paul Davis’s “Cool Night.” Yeah, okay. I can see that.

2:02. Time to go. Trouble brewing for daughter. She’s demanding more playground time.

2:04. Playground-gate escalates to a full-blown spectacle. Trying to get Daughter in the car before entire camp hears her screams (subsequent text from student asking “What’s wrong with her?” will reveal utter failure).

2:12. Daughter still screeching as we descend the mountain. Church Intern who rode with us getting a valuable lesson in parenting–the what-not-to-do kind.

2:24. Daughter pacified by a pan dulce.

2:25. Daughter slumped over asleep, pan dulce falling from her hand.

2:32. Wife turning green. “I’m trying not to puke,” she says. Foot off the gas.

2:47. Daughter jolts awake. “Are we off the mountain yet?” No. Slumps back over and sleeps.

2:52. “Are we off the mountain yet?”

2:44. “Are we off the mountain yet?

2:45. “Are we off the mountain yet?” Yes. “Oh, that was fast.”

3:01. Home. Dropping bags in the doorway, wife (still green) trudges upstairs and collapses on bed.

3:44. Answering Daughter’s critical questions about “Tinkerbell And The Great Fairy Rescue.” It’s not really that believable.

5:02. Leaving for Youth Sunday Planning Pizza party. Pay for the pizza, set up the room, print off instructions and old worship bulletins . . .

5:12. Arrive at church to discover I’ve left my laptop at home. Doh! Improvising.

6:39. Whirlwind presentation of Presbyterian principles for ordering worship. “The preaching of the Word of God IS the Word of God!” Students leap to their feet with thunderous applause and gasps of “Amazing!”

7:22. Volunteers working with teams of students to plan an entire worship service. Marvelling. Doing nothing but marvelling.

8:01. Youth Sunday planned. Dismiss students with a benediction of “Waving Flag.”

8:12. Stopping at grocery store on the way home to pick up flowers for Wife. Well, not for her. For her nurses. It’s nurses week and she forgot.

8:24. End the day with with the day’s only play of the iPod.

9:01. Contemplating writing Monday Morning Quarterback. Nope. It’ll wait for the morning.