Conversation As Conflict

Show me a person who has conceded a point and I’ll show you a person of persuasion.

“10 Liberals Destroyed by One Conservative” and “Watch This Conservative Argument Get Annihilated” are video titles that get more clicks than “Watch These Opposing Viewpoints Acknowledge What Is True and Useful about One Another’s Arguments.” Conversation as conflict.

The true gift held out by conversation with another person is discovery, though, isn’t it? Not victory. Discovery of a connection, of joy, of empathy. Conversation-as-discovery is more enjoyable to practice and less stressful, but it’s probably also more effective if our aims for the conversation include changing peoples’ minds. Because it’s practically impossible to be persuaded from a defensive position.

If you don’t experience me as curious about your point of view, you’re probably not going to hear much of what I have to say.