Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.
Song of the day:
6:00. Up. What? Is that surprising?
6:08. It’s red socks today. Match the tie with them, match the tie with them.
7:09. Assembling papers that have nothing to do with Sunday school, worship, committee meeting, or either of the youth groups.
7:57. Leaving with breakfast. Cereal poured into a child’s drinking cup. This is not good.
8:28. Setting up the slide presentation that will run while people come into worship. It’s the text of “blessings” people submitted in worship last week atop Erin Dunigan’s photos as backgrounds. Excited for people to see this.
9:46. Considering this question with the adult education forum: “What is the effect of denying marriage to a couple who wishes to live out the claims of baptism in their relationship?” Fruitful conversation.
9:56. Start the slide presentation I made with just enough time for people to see four minutes of it before the service starts. Fail.
10:17. During Children’s Time, Christian Ed. Director praises daughter for bringing back her “blessing book” from last week. Elbow the guest speaker. “That’s my daughter.”
10:19. Daughter stands during Children’s Time to retrieve a wedgie. Look away from guest speaker.
10:21. Kids learning “This Little Light of Mine.” As we turn the corner from the second to the third verse, praying it’s not the “Won’t let Satan blow it out” verse. It’s not. Whew. Who teaches that to children? Seriously?
10:54. Goading the acolyte into performing a leaping karate move when he stands to collect the offering during the Doxology.
11:03. As the service is ending, notice for the first time that a former student is in the choir. Robe and everything. Elated.
11:43. Persuade the adult ed committee to let me use Soul Pancake for our unit on gratitude in November.
11:56. Changing clothes in the youth room bathroom to go to the hunger walk. Church ladies meeting in the youth room. Is this weird?
12:30. Arrive for the hunger walk with Daughter. Find our one other walker from the church. We are a team of 3. Other churches have double digits and matching T-shirts. I’m not doing this right.
12:43. Daughter making the church’s sign for the walk. Actually impressed at the drawing she’s done of our sanctuary. Stained glass included.
12:50. Daughter getting a balloon. A purple one.
12:52. Daughter getting her face painted. Rainbow with a jewell, fool.
1:00. The walk begins. Daughter sets off with gusto. And her balloon.
1:07. First walk find: an LED flashlight. Keeper.
1:11. Second walk find: a feather. Keeper.
1:15. With her balloon and two finds distracting her, daughter’s pace has slowed to a mindless mosey.
1:17. We’ve only made the first turn of the walk route, and already the ladies with canes are passing us.
1:19. Near miss with the balloon and a tree. Warn daughter to be careful the balloon doesn’t pop. She hugs it tight to her chest.
1:24. We have our first, “Are we done yet?”
1:37. Daughter taking another water break. Sitting down on the sidewalk for this one.
1:43. Daughter declares she wants to go home.
1:57. The balloon finally flies too close to a tree branch and meets its end. Hysteria. Antigone-style wailing all over the sidewalk.
2:01. Still crying. Little girl in a stroller offers her another balloon, and daughter refuses it with folded arms and a tucked chin. Shrivel. Little girl tells her mother, “Mommy, I think her wanted a purple balloon.”
2:03. Still crying.
2:06. Still crying.
2:11. Daughter stops crying to ask, “Daddy, when will we be finished?” Me: “Just at the bottom of this hill.” It’s not true and I know it.
2:15. The route turns off the hill to the left, then back up the hill for a block. This is trouble. They’ve made a liar of me. Commence crying . . . now.
2:24. Tell Daughter how impressed I am with her for walking the whole distance, and she covers her ears and screams, “I don’t want to hear anything from you!”
2:30. Complete the 2.5 mile walk and secure daughter a new balloon. And some popcorn.
2:39. Daughter’s eyes rolling back in her head as she stuffs popcorn in her mouth on the drive home.
3:25. Daughter asks me to tear her five lengths of tape and stick them to her arms so she can take them upstairs. “What for?” I ask. “I’m making something.” Ascends the stairs.
3:28. “Daddy, I need one more piece of tape.” Ascends the stairs.
3:32. Daughter asking for more tape. Four pieces this time. Ascends the stairs.
3:35. Daughter asks for one more piece of tape. No, two more. Ascends the stairs.
3:38. Daughter descends the stairs with the thing she’s been building upstairs. It’s a “laboratory light” that utilizes the LED flashlight she found during the walk.
3:46. Wife has arranged the produce she got at the farmer’s market on the counter, and it’s lovely. Fight the urge to cancel youth groups.
4:47. Junior high students arguing Dr. Who. How is it that the PBS show I instinctively skipped as a seven year-old is now the hot teen media property?
5:12. Intern prepares a game that involves navigating an obstacle course of water balloons blindfolded. He thinks the water balloons are going back in the bucket at the end of the game. Silly, silly, intern.
5:28. Throw the first water balloon.
5:32. Intern has junior high students playing “steal the bacon” with a greased watermelon. How great is my intern?
5:51. Experimenting with Lectio Divina Bible reading for the junior high students. One starts to giggle and has to leave the room cackling.
6:27. Driving to the trampoline gym with high schoolers, the German exchange student in the back is re-telling his homecoming experience from the night before. “We don’t have dances like that at my school in Germany, and even if we did I don’t think the girls would dance like that!” He’s grinning like a lunatic.
6:56. This place is all trampoliiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!
7:33. Crushing these kids in trampoline dodgeball. By crushing I mean showing them how to get out within the first five seconds every single game.
7:56. Intern delaying our exit from the trampoline place in order to play this stupid song on the jukebox. Students going nuts though, so it’s totally worth it.
8:23. Ordering a bacon cheesburger and fries on the rationale that I walked 2.5 miles and jumped on a trampoline for an hour today. Weak.
8:36. Intern puts a tray of peanuts in front of peanut allergy kid, who looks up from his phone and says, “Yeah, I could die from that.”
8:45. Leaving the burger joint, student looks quesy, so I ask: “Man, are you okay?” His answer? “Sort of.” Not encouraging.
9:02. Sick of sitting behind a lumbering semi in the exit lane, I move to pass him on the left, then realize I’ve only got about a hundred yards before the exit. Gun it to make the exit. Simultaneous shame and pride.
9: 14. Taking a student home. Along the way he’s narrating the drama surrounding crushes in choir. Why was I never in choir?
9:47. Settle in to watch the replay of the Broncos/Colts game. “Game not unavailable during Sunday Night Football.” Blurg! Starting Monday Morning Quarterback. Writing this one in reverse.
10:17. After completing 2:06 of Monday Morning Quarterback, receive a text from college student from our church. It’s a picture of him and another college student from our church, only who goes to school on the opposite end of the country. They ran into each other in a New England Starbucks. I love my job.
10:47. Done with Monday Morning Quarterback. Broncos game still not on.
11:20. Still no Broncos. Going to bed.
YoRocko! 