Note: Monday Morning Quarterback is a weekly post reviewing Sunday, the busiest, most stressful, most gratifying day in the week of a pastor/parent/spouse/citizen.
5:42. Wake up. Check the time. Consider for three seconds getting up 18 minutes ear—back to sleep
5:59. Having a dream in which I’m the guest preacher at my old church where, in the middle of the sermon, a group of college students spontaneously gets up and starts doing an Irish dance. “Weird,” I think. “I don’t remember there being any college students here before.”
6:00. The merciless march of time snares me by the ankle and shakes me awake.
6:17. Grab a pair of socks in the dark and decide, sight unseen, that these will be the centerpiece of my outfit today. They turn out to be bright blue. Sadly, I have clothes to match that.
6:58. Revisiting the sermon I tried to complete last night. Wishing I’d finished it, but not regretting for a second the Top Gun quote-athon I engaged on Facebook. “Because I was inverted.”
7:34. Making Wife some coffee, at least 80 % certain it’ll go to waste.
8:03. Picking up donuts for the Sunday school class. Two years ago I was given a specific list of what kinds to get. Today I’m experimenting with a random assortment and retiring the list. They may kill me.
8:08. Stopping at the crunchy grocery store to pick up gluten free donuts and hormone free chocolate milk, wondering if they’re for a student free Sunday school.
8:15. Arrive to an eerily quiet church campus. Nothing is set up and the office is still locked. Did the rapture happen?
8:22. Trying to print sermon, but computer is super sluggish. Massaging my temples to avoid screaming.
8:25. Taking a walk to hang Sunday School signs while computer churns. Can’t find my stapler. Fuming.
8:54. Head to youth room to greet junior high and high school students. Get there and realize my watch is 20 minutes fast. It’s actually 8:34. Return to the office and take some deep breaths.
8:47. Learn from Godly Play teacher that last week Daughter told him, “My daddy does whatever my mommy says.” Begin to protest, but catch Wife’s glare out of the corner of my eye and do as I’m told.
8:54. Student arrives for Sunday school and greets the news that the regular teachers are gone and that, therefore, there’s no Veggie Tales, by slinking to the ground and sobbing. I hate Veggie Tales.
9:23. After several attempts to engage students in a conversation about our worship service, realize I’m that moron who can’t get teenagers to give him a straight answer about anything. My questions are more easily answered with snark. I am good for snark.
10:11. Daughter and her playmate have a falling out during the opening hymn. Wife comforting daughter on the front pew.
10:27. Twitchin’ to get in the pulpit.
10: 40. Dropping names.
11:12. Join my colleague in being interviewed by a local college student for a religious studies class. Joke that he missed the animal sacrifice ritual last week.
12:00. Daughter and Friend are with us for a playdate. Cat attacking Daughter’s friend.
12:53. Girls agree that this is a “naked playdate,” and the clothes come off.
1:02. Facebook post from church member says worship makes him feel “Close to God.” My work here is done.
1:46. Big Trouble in Little Playdate. “She said she doesn’t like me anymore!”
1:48. Wife serves girls pretzels and peanut butter, turns on My Little Pony. Now it’s, “I love you.” Friendship really is magic!
3:12. Wife enlisting girls to unwrap Hershey’s Kisses for Pinterest-inspired witch hat cookies. They’re lagging behind, and the only way she can interest them in the task is to chastise them like orphans out of Annie.
4:49. Schooling junior high kids at Laser Tag. The one who catches the most lasers wins, right?
6:34. Shoveling Burger King between youth groups. Not my proudest moment.
7:23. High school student has brought his X-box to youth group. Ask him where the joystick is.
7:45. Playing a racing game against another adult volunteer. YOU CAN’T TOUCH THIS!
7:47. Member of Indonesian church that shares our campus invites students to come to the Fellowship Hall and enjoy some of their food. From a funeral reception.
8:01. Indonesian church member returns, irritated that we haven’t come yet. Walk to the hall with him, shake his hands, and explain that the students aren’t dressed for a funeral. Instantly sure I’m causing great offense.
8:34. Discussing “sainthood” with students. The senior next to me gushes about Mother Theresa, and I’m pretty sure he’s about to cry.
8:42. Students sharing their favorite anecdotes about Pope Francis. Presbyterian high school students gushing over the Pope. Didn’t see that coming. Like it, but didn’t see it coming.
8:43. Decide to dedicate an upcoming youth group week entirely to Pope Francis.
8:52. Prayer-At-The-Close-Of-Day. Amen.
9:17. Home. Watching the replay of the Broncos game. I should go to bed. I have an early flight tomorrow. But it’s the Broncos.
11:15. Beginning Monday Morning Quarterback. I’m doomed.
11:50. Going to bed.
YoRocko! 
I don’t regret the Top Gun conversation either. But I might be tired for weeks.